Hey folks (I hope this works, I'm updating via email as this wifi doesn't seem to want to let me access Blogger),
I'm settling in nicely here in Istanbul, and inshallah will write some mildly amusing posts on that as soon as I get internet in my flat (should be any day now...). Til then, here's a piece I'm working on in response to an article I edited for my new job; the original article can be found here: http://www.todayszaman.com/tz-web/detaylar.do?load=detay&link=178707&bolum=100
This isn't my usual blog fare, but I figured I couldn't very well post just the article with no commentary, so here goes:
I was somewhat bemused to read the recent headline "Judge sentences man to give flowers to his wife for 5 months," a bemusement which quickly faded when I read on to the article: a man in Diyarbakir beat his wife, and was sentenced to buy her a bouquet of flowers a week for five months after he told the judge he didn't know her birthday or their anniversary and had never bought her flowers. He justified the abuse by complaining that his wife wasn't helping out around the house enough, noting that his recently-married second wife was much more easy-going.
I almost don't know where to start here; I guess first would be the point that domestic abuse is never justified, and the excuse that his first wife "didn't help around the house enough" is nothing short of pathetic. But the background here is truly sad, for all involved but especially for the women. While I can't know for certain this exact situation, I imagine it was something like this: the man and wife's marriage was arranged by relatives, in a match that was set up because of the desirability of the families involved, or the bride price, or because they were of marriageable age. They may have known each other, but almost certainly would not have married each other if left to their own devices. After awhile, enough time for them to have a child, the man found a girl he was attracted to and actually wanted to marry. He lucked out, as her family was amenable to allowing her to be a second, not-legally-recognized wife (they probably were able to negotiate a higher bride price because of this). Most likely he didn't see a need to inform his first wife of his plans to take a second wife until perhaps as late as his wedding morning. As part of his second wife's bride price, he probably bought a new house for her to live in, which led the first wife to press for a new house for her and her child as well (this was mentioned in the article, as part of the man's justification for beating his wife). The man had probably spent any savings he had and took loans to finance his second wife's bride price, making him irritable on the subject of money, an irritation only exacerbated by the fact that he now had the wife he wanted, making the first wife almost superfluous. When the abuse started, the wife probably didn't think of going to authorities; recent studies have shown as many as 40% of Turkish wives have been hit by their husbands (I highly recommend reading through posts on the Kamil Pasha blog, on the sidebar, for background on the status of women in Turkey). The fact that she did go to police, and that there was enough evidence to find the man guilty, points to the likelihood of severe abuse.
The judge's sentence here, while it initially appears whimsical, serves to trivialize the issue of spousal abuse by advancing the notion that "everything will be solved if this man proves he cares about his wife by buying her flowers." The fact that the wife brought this case to court means that she does not feel safe in her living arrangement, and the husband's clear annoyance with his wife and her perceived 'unhelpfulness' is, if anything, a warning sign: there have been all too many recent cases of uxoricide in the Southeast, in many cases after the woman has sought help or the court has interfered. In all likelihood, this is one marriage that would be best served by a divorce: giving this woman freedom from her abusive life with this man, and paving the way for this man's second wife to legally marry him, which would afford her certain legal protections she currently lacks as the religiously-recognized second wife.
It should also be noted that the judge ordered this particular sentence in lieu of jail time or other probationary options; other judges recently have assigned men convicted of similar crimes to plant and care for trees, or in one case to print 1000 fliers apologizing to the man's wife and his neighborhood for beating his wife and distribute them throughout town. While this still doesn't do anything tangible to address the very real abuse, it at least doesn't trivialize the woman's experience like this flower sentence, and I suppose the fliers may serve to make the neighbors more ready to watch out for the woman and recognize signs of abuse.
Domestic abuse is a huge and largely not-talked-about issue in Turkey. Change is needed, at the judicial level and at the political level but most importantly at the social level. We need to figure out how to get from 40% of Turkish housewives reporting instances of abuse to 100% of Turkish spouses knowing that spousal abuse is never justified. Unfortunately, changing laws and changing judicial practices, while difficult, can be and have been done, whereas changing society's views is a formidable task indeed. Still, we owe it to ourselves and our communities to do our small part, so that women don't think they have no choice but to stay with an abusive spouse and so that men don't even consider beating their wives an option.
kib
-R
I'm settling in nicely here in Istanbul, and inshallah will write some mildly amusing posts on that as soon as I get internet in my flat (should be any day now...). Til then, here's a piece I'm working on in response to an article I edited for my new job; the original article can be found here: http://www.todayszaman.com/tz-web/detaylar.do?load=detay&link=178707&bolum=100
This isn't my usual blog fare, but I figured I couldn't very well post just the article with no commentary, so here goes:
I was somewhat bemused to read the recent headline "Judge sentences man to give flowers to his wife for 5 months," a bemusement which quickly faded when I read on to the article: a man in Diyarbakir beat his wife, and was sentenced to buy her a bouquet of flowers a week for five months after he told the judge he didn't know her birthday or their anniversary and had never bought her flowers. He justified the abuse by complaining that his wife wasn't helping out around the house enough, noting that his recently-married second wife was much more easy-going.
I almost don't know where to start here; I guess first would be the point that domestic abuse is never justified, and the excuse that his first wife "didn't help around the house enough" is nothing short of pathetic. But the background here is truly sad, for all involved but especially for the women. While I can't know for certain this exact situation, I imagine it was something like this: the man and wife's marriage was arranged by relatives, in a match that was set up because of the desirability of the families involved, or the bride price, or because they were of marriageable age. They may have known each other, but almost certainly would not have married each other if left to their own devices. After awhile, enough time for them to have a child, the man found a girl he was attracted to and actually wanted to marry. He lucked out, as her family was amenable to allowing her to be a second, not-legally-recognized wife (they probably were able to negotiate a higher bride price because of this). Most likely he didn't see a need to inform his first wife of his plans to take a second wife until perhaps as late as his wedding morning. As part of his second wife's bride price, he probably bought a new house for her to live in, which led the first wife to press for a new house for her and her child as well (this was mentioned in the article, as part of the man's justification for beating his wife). The man had probably spent any savings he had and took loans to finance his second wife's bride price, making him irritable on the subject of money, an irritation only exacerbated by the fact that he now had the wife he wanted, making the first wife almost superfluous. When the abuse started, the wife probably didn't think of going to authorities; recent studies have shown as many as 40% of Turkish wives have been hit by their husbands (I highly recommend reading through posts on the Kamil Pasha blog, on the sidebar, for background on the status of women in Turkey). The fact that she did go to police, and that there was enough evidence to find the man guilty, points to the likelihood of severe abuse.
The judge's sentence here, while it initially appears whimsical, serves to trivialize the issue of spousal abuse by advancing the notion that "everything will be solved if this man proves he cares about his wife by buying her flowers." The fact that the wife brought this case to court means that she does not feel safe in her living arrangement, and the husband's clear annoyance with his wife and her perceived 'unhelpfulness' is, if anything, a warning sign: there have been all too many recent cases of uxoricide in the Southeast, in many cases after the woman has sought help or the court has interfered. In all likelihood, this is one marriage that would be best served by a divorce: giving this woman freedom from her abusive life with this man, and paving the way for this man's second wife to legally marry him, which would afford her certain legal protections she currently lacks as the religiously-recognized second wife.
It should also be noted that the judge ordered this particular sentence in lieu of jail time or other probationary options; other judges recently have assigned men convicted of similar crimes to plant and care for trees, or in one case to print 1000 fliers apologizing to the man's wife and his neighborhood for beating his wife and distribute them throughout town. While this still doesn't do anything tangible to address the very real abuse, it at least doesn't trivialize the woman's experience like this flower sentence, and I suppose the fliers may serve to make the neighbors more ready to watch out for the woman and recognize signs of abuse.
Domestic abuse is a huge and largely not-talked-about issue in Turkey. Change is needed, at the judicial level and at the political level but most importantly at the social level. We need to figure out how to get from 40% of Turkish housewives reporting instances of abuse to 100% of Turkish spouses knowing that spousal abuse is never justified. Unfortunately, changing laws and changing judicial practices, while difficult, can be and have been done, whereas changing society's views is a formidable task indeed. Still, we owe it to ourselves and our communities to do our small part, so that women don't think they have no choice but to stay with an abusive spouse and so that men don't even consider beating their wives an option.
kib
-R
